We all know that the elderly and sick people can be vulnerable.
Yet there are lots of manipulators out there for whom an elderly or sick person is easy money or a soft touch.
Pride means many of those exploited will refuse to admit it – especially when they care about the person doing the exploiting.
This gives the exploiter a considerable advantage in the manipulation game, and sadly it often means they get years to take advantage before being caught – if they get caught at all.
And what of these exploiters? It would take a book to explain them entirely, but it is clear that some of them know exactly what they are doing.
For those who appear not to it could be because they don’t understand the word ‘selfish’ and so assess their own needs/problems as being more urgent than those of the elderly or vulnerable person – no matter how sick or how old that person is.
If you suspect you are being manipulated, just consider the following sentences and count up how many times you’ve heard them.
‘I just need one last loan.’ ‘I’ll promise to pay it back.’ ‘I’ll never ask again.’ ‘I promise.’ ‘I’ve sorted myself out, but I just need this one hundred.’ ‘I swear – never again…I… I… I…’
Ask yourself why it is that none of their problems ever get solved and then ask yourself why it is that their issues are always more complicated and terrible than yours.
Turning it around and playing the victim is a great way for a manipulator to avoid making contact with their conscience.
Some exploiters have avoided examining their conscience for so long that they either don’t realise or won’t realise what constitutes exploitation.
Some vulnerable people become so lost and emotionally confused in the never-ending quagmire of sob-stories that they have become unable to tell fact from fiction.
There are also times when a vulnerable person is desperately trying to pay the manipulative person off in the hope that this will bring them peace from their many many problems.
Sadly there might be a little peace but probably only for a day or two. Realistically a manipulator rarely resists coming back for more.
If you are feeling lost or confused by somebody else’s sob-stories I have provided some examples of manipulation below and hope it helps.
SOB-STORIES
Telling elderly/sick people sad stories about problems to extract money.
Sob-stories include:
Not having enough money for bills because of an ‘unfortunate incident.’
Not having enough money for food because of an ’unfortunate incident.’
Not having enough money to pay for the transport needed to visit the elderly person because of an ‘unfortunate incident.’
Being unable to repay a loan to the vulnerable person because of an ‘unfortunate incident.’
Losing property paid for or given to them by the vulnerable person because of an ‘unfortunate incident.’
Note the amount of ‘unfortunate incidents.’ Those who seek to exploit and manipulate tend to have much misfortune in their life and none of it is ever their fault or responsibility.
Some have benefited so much from the status of ‘permanent victim’ that they come to believe it and no longer have any incentive to solve their own problems – at least not while the elderly or vulnerable are still alive and have purses, wallets, pensions and pockets to pick.
METHODS
Exploiters/manipulators use various methods – here are two of their favourites.
THE CRYING SOB-STORY
Crying tears while telling a vulnerable person these sob-stories is one of the methods exploiters use to gain the sympathy of the vulnerable – no use handing them a tissue these tears only dry up when money is applied.
THE THREAT – TO THEM
Another method is the threat method. The exploiter tells the vulnerable person that they are being threatened – maybe by eviction.
Maybe by debtors ‘Oh no, poor me! My electricity is going to be cut off now – what am I going to do?’ Sob. Sob. Sob.
Sometimes they say they say nasty characters in their area are threatening them, maybe even drug dealers (not that the manipulator/exploiter themselves take drugs – no, this is always a case of mistaken identity.)
The threat-to-them method usually gets trotted out when the sob-story fails to elicit the required result.
In some cases when the sob-story, threat-to-them, stories don’t work, they will directly threaten the vulnerable person as well but that’s for another article. This is about manipulation.
Perhaps reading this brings to mind someone you know? Someone who is manipulating an older or sick person.
Perhaps you haven’t called them on it or reported them because you feel sorry for them – after all, they have lots of problems, don’t they? In this case, perhaps you are being manipulated? Think about it.
But, whether or not the manipulator/exploiter has problems is irrelevant here.
Old and vulnerable people have enough challenges of their own to face and should not be asked/guilt-tripped/threatened/emotionally blackmailed to help others with theirs.
Emotional blackmail is particularly insidious when targeted at the vulnerable. Frequently they’re not on social media and so don’t see the sad little manipulator enjoying themselves, sharing jokes and exploits on Facebook and Twitter while pretending to their victim that they are sinking into a pit of tragedy and despair that can only be cured by a handout.
Some of those doing the manipulation and exploitation have buried their conscience under a tangled mat of alcohol and other drug problems.
We may or may not be sympathetic to these problems but again in this context that is irrelevant.
What is very relevant is that the weapons of manipulation and exploitation are secretly used against old and vulnerable people every day, in every boreen, lane, road, village, city and county in this country.
This secrecy is what compounds it. Many of us know about it but don’t talk about it. Vulnerable people are often in denial, and this denial protects the perpetrators.
This denial can go as far as turning a blind eye to the person who skims the pension when they collect it or doesn’t give change when shopping and even takes money for the trouble of ‘calling in’ to deliver the skimmed off pension.
So what’s the answer? Maybe we should talk about it more, call it out for what it is when we see it…
Would that help? Maybe but when there are elderly and vulnerable protecting and sometimes even defending their abusers, it can be so difficult and realistically I have no firm idea of how we can solve this problem. I genuinely wish I did.
I also wish I didn’t have to write this post because really old age and illness bring enough problems and shouldering the burden of the healthy and young should not be one of them.
SWEET LITTLE THINGS
A heartbreaking novella about love, loss and friendship.
Pat was always desperately shy, always scared of doing the wrong thing. Sixteen-year-old single mother, Mildie, is just as lonely as Pat. Racial prejudice has turned her family against her – she is white, and her little boy’s father was black.
They both need a friend, but Pat makes a terrible mistake. She tries to give the little boy a present. It’s just a little thing… she got it free with a pot of jam and can’t understand why Mildie’s so very upset.
Now Mildie thinks Pat’s just like all the rest – the ones that call her names.
The misunderstanding drives a wedge between them, and it’s up to Pat to face her fears.
Can she find the words to make it right?
You’ll laugh and cry at this nostalgic and uplifting look back into a gritty 1970s world.
DOWNLOAD SWEET LITTLE THINGS NOW
AMAZON.CO.UK
AMAZON.COM
No comments yet.